So I am 10 days into the new year and not really feeling the newness. The extra days off due to the weather was nice, but the boredom that filled parts of my days..not so nice. There have been high's and medium's (not ghosts.. well maybe.. my house is kind of old) thus far, but my thoughts have been focused on three things:
1. How am I going to make all of the things in my house work?
2. Will owning a house, being independent and successful hinder and/or limit my options for a date? (I do live in a small town, the market for men is already limited)
3. When will the great ideas I have in my head, become my reality?
I know it seems a bit random, but since I swore that I would not go on a date until 2010 after the breakup, and wanted to give myself proper time to mourn the relationship and become self assured that what I chose to do was the best decision. I have found myself confident, happy and satisfied, so with that I felt like moving on in the dating world would be the next step. I am quickly reminded how much I don't like it. I watch awkwardness all day, I teach high school kids...hello screams awkward, so why would I want to experience the awkwardness again. I feel like I am pretty well known because of the size of the town and the fact that I really can't go anywhere with out someone knowing who I am. That point aside, I am realizing I have a small issue with the unknown. When I say unknown I am not talking Heaven or Hell but rather where are these guys coming from, why are you so nice, but haven't asked me out yet, or what are your expectations for me in this situation?? It is so confusing and awkward. I never thought at my age I would go back to the confusion, awkward, unknown situations.
It are those feelings that are haunting my second and third question, and are really becoming my 2010 focus, some day it will be New Year..New Me.
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