Sometimes I feel like my life is a big oxymoron, I like this but not that, I enjoy this, but not when it looks like that...
As someone who is attempting to find balance and looking all over for it, I am finding that more of my life has the "but" factor. I am a pretty positive person in the majority of area's in my life, but it takes a lot for me to every be truly comfortable in positivity, because I react in conversation and discussion in more of a pessimistic way.
Let's take my current job, I love it. I have no reason to not enjoy every single moment of it, but today I feel like a huge failure, I am seeing the future of education get sucked away to a place filled with worksheets and spoon-feeding. As teachers we are pushed to do so many things, try something new, use social media, etc etc, BUT then we are failing at creating students who can function with out it and/or alongside it.
Like most most schools we are facing budget cuts, thus promoting negativity and speculation all over the place. The students are creating rumors, teachers are hypothesizing and what it boils down to is that people are getting hurt and students are loosing out on great opportunities. We are cutting things that create what I believe is the most "well rounded" students possible. But at least I have a job.
The "but" factor isn't only in my job, it is seeped into my personal life as well. I love that I own my home, and I did it with out assistance, but I loathe that time of the month when something bad happens and I have to call my father or my guy friends. TRUE STORY: I woke up in the middle of the night because I thought some body was breaking into my house, called my guy friend...it turned out to be something had fallen off a shelf in my shower. I totally felt like an idiot.
I know that when it comes do dating people look at me and see a girl who has it all together, great job, great house, can manage on her own BUT sometimes that gets boring. I know I can manage on my own, except when some body attempts to break in, however, some days I don't want to. (Other days that is what I would prefer :)
I think I have just come to the conclusion that in dealing with the "but" factor, you realize that there is always two sides to a story, but it is which side you choose that will function for you in the long run. BUT...
