What does love mean...

I have been questioning what love is and what it looks like a lot, I came across this email and I thought I should share, I still don't think I know the answer but these are sweet moments to help me and you find it.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds ,

'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined

See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8


'When someone loves you , the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss' Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate , ' Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford .' Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'Lauren - age 4

When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it , you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry , the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard , climbed onto his lap , and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor , the little boy said ,

'Nothing , I just helped him cry'

Happiness is...

Today is Friday time for positive energy:

I the play "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" there is a song called Happiness. Today my happiness is:
1. A Video of my Nephew and his new found Muscles.
2. My Student teacher, bringing me Starbucks.
3. Glee Volume 4 on the iPod.
4. My puppy, Bradshaw, just wanting my attention.
5. Having hilarious students that can do and say silly things that just make you smile. (Evan that is to you and your "Situation")
6. Having a boyfriend who listens and can get just as fired up about the same things I do.
7. Friends who make you nachos, take you out to dinner, or send you texts with a cartoon naked butt that you can only smile at.
8. Work with people who sincerely care about you and will stop what they are doing to listen.
9. A Mom who is predicting that she will be living at my house in her old age...doesn't she know a Nursing home will still be acceptable, but feels that it is necessary to send that message to me over Facebook
10. Jersey Shore...nuff said!

Hope you all have some happiness this weekend!

Birthday Week....

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
So this week is my birthday week...I have always been a fan of my birthday just because I see it as a social gathering and a fun time to celebrate. I have lived on this earth for 28 years and as my mother keeps reminding me, "Look at what you have done in those 28 years."  Yes I have a accomplished a lot, and I am very proud of these things. Yet I think and I think other people view as though something is missing. Lately I have been reminded by my students, about the fact that I am not married. Some have even asked me if I would marry them...(that student is a little odd and I graciously declined) however, I also was reminded by the fact that I am still very hesitant about this idea.  I know I want to be in love and share my life with someone who balances me and can handle my ups, downs, ins, outs etc.  Yet I am haunted by the "just know" factor. I really don't think I believe in it.  Here is that thing...I have had great men in my life and a few of them had hoped that the "just know" feeling would happen...it didn't.  Currently I am in a long distance relationship, which is all well and good, but at the same time does the distance take away the "just know" feeling? Do I have to move to feel it? What if I do and it doesn't work out...it seems like to many risks and I am not sure I have the ability to take them. 

 I know that first part seems to be a bit of a "Carrie Bradshaw" moment, but we need some of those sometimes. Since my mind has been racing over thoughts like this an inner monologue seemed to fit the bill why not add a side quotations just to really get the point across.  :)

Holy Crap it is summer....

Things are finally slowing down and I am realizing that I will actually be able to start enjoying my summer soon.  Currently I am working 4ish jobs : teaching summer school, Bath and Body Works, managing and running the Theater, and working on curriculum for next year! It seems crazy I know, but I have debt...so you do what you have to do. :)

I am not trying to complain I am just realizing that time is becoming a battle for me and I love it. I work better being pushed and I find that I get more from myself when I am being challenged and having to find balance.  Currently it isn't the finding time I am struggling with, it's the finding balance.

At this point in time, I am balancing work, play, classes, and family.  If I was to really geek out I could pie chart where my time is going but I won't. Most of my time is going to the jobs and the play. Both are truly enjoyable, however I am neglecting other things too. How do you keep the balance?

Chivalry is still alive...in case you didn't know!

When I taught British Literature, one of my favorite units to teach was Canterbury Tale's, partly because I enjoyed the tales, but also because I exposed students to the word "Chivalry". I loved asking the students to think about what it meant to be chivalrous, and how it is more the opening doors and not speaking ill of each other, it was a real code to live by.


This code seems to have gone by the wayside for some people, myself included. I hear myself weekly say to my students' "kindness" when they speak poorly of someone or something. I see them going out of their way to create a problems for another student, and so few of them remember what it takes to "pay it forward" or to be aware of the people around you and help more people than just themselves. For the majority of the younger generation this code does not exist in their life or in their vocabulary.

But being a Generation Y, I have regained some appreciation for this code of conduct. Pretty much because I am dating one of the most chivalrous people I have ever encountered. I often forget that he is going open the door for me, help me get out of the car, carry things for me or give me compliments galore, and speak so highly of me and my accomplishments that my head may start to explode. I really didn't know that people still do nice things for people, practically every day. I know my days of cynicism and independence may have dampened my view of this great code, but who doesn’t appreciate someone giving gifts not for a special occasion or because they need to say "I'm sorry" but to make a girl feel like a lady.

I honestly think and feel that if more people practiced chivalry in their everyday life, the ideas that we know as "kindness" and "paying it forward" would be so surprising but could morph into becoming an actual expectation of all generations. So often people see the Baby Boomers giving the X's and Y's hints of what a man should do when it comes to dating a woman, but unfortunately these idea's become fodder for scrutiny and shock. Chivalry is a concept that goes beyond just dating but can filter in to being a better student, teacher, principal, business-person, family member etc. LONG LIVE CHIVLARY!

Valentine's Day...

I used to refer to February 14 as "Single Awareness Day" and I have never been a huge fan. I have celebrated it in the past and they were cute and innocent but nothing was as enjoyable as my most recent Sunday. I am in a relationship (yes, we are no longer just dating) with someone who is very sweet, romantic and pretty much wants to make any bad thing that happened in my past relationships never happen again. Over the course of three days he did just that.

After a stressful week of parent teacher conferences, finishing a show, and trying to get things prepared for the rest of the month I was really looking forward to a weekend of relaxation. I got just that. I spent my day off which was Friday, in the big city had some delicious food, fun times and great shopping with my girlfriends. We went to "Chicago" the Musical and continued to laugh and be silly into the next day. I came back from the big city to spend time with the man and his son. Both of these men brought a huge smile to my face and made me laugh as we watched "Miss Spider" and cut out hearts for the Valentine Tree (Taking down the Christmas tree at his house hasn't happened yet so we morphed it into a Super Bowl Tree and a Valentine Tree.) As I was hanging out with the boys, his son wanted to make sure I opened a present, so present #2 Mood Rings. Totally random and totally us. We were having some silly conversation about them and how the town we lived in needed a store that sold random things It was cute and thoughtful and perfect. But a memorable part for me was when his son wanted to wear mine the rest of the day. He is 2, so it kept falling of his fingers... too cute. The day ended with pizza and family bonding over basketball. (Present #1 was Doggie Stairs, my bed is big, my dog is little and I am yelled/barked at for being on the bed and Bradshaw is too little to get up there....I tweeted about it, he saw it, bought and put together the stairs)

Okay, so if you are still reading this and aren't ready to vomit there was the actual day...although he had made plans to go see a movie that refuses to come to our town, the weather didn't allow it. So instead we hung out, and answered questions from the "IF" book. For example, "If you could pick to musicians to make a duet, who would they be and why?" silly things like that...it was followed by GLEE, (present #3 was a pink t-shirt that said "Gleek:" on it... Excited!!!) Leftovers for lunch and the Matinee of "Valentine's Day" the movie. Mind you...my favorite’s scene from the previews was when Jennifer Garner was demolishing the heart piñata...I assumed that was going to be me...obviously things have changed. After the movie, a walk with Starbucks through Target and he cooked me a homemade meal...I could not be happier.

This blog is not intended to be like I am rubbing things in, and no matter what, I think Valentine's Day is a little Hallmark created...but the happiness that I felt and the coincided with this year was indescribable and retelling it still brings a smile to my face.

Lesson Learned: You may not always love February 14th but someday you will find that February 14 is a day to just open yourself up to love...

The New Year..Same me.

So I am 10 days into the new year and not really feeling the newness. The extra days off due to the weather was nice, but the boredom that filled parts of my days..not so nice. There have been high's and medium's (not ghosts.. well maybe.. my house is kind of old) thus far, but my thoughts have been focused on three things:

1. How am I going to make all of the things in my house work?

2. Will owning a house, being independent and successful hinder and/or limit my options for a date? (I do live in a small town, the market for men is already limited)

3. When will the great ideas I have in my head, become my reality?

I know it seems a bit random, but since I swore that I would not go on a date until 2010 after the breakup, and wanted to give myself proper time to mourn the relationship and become self assured that what I chose to do was the best decision. I have found myself confident, happy and satisfied, so with that I felt like moving on in the dating world would be the next step. I am quickly reminded how much I don't like it. I watch awkwardness all day, I teach high school kids...hello screams awkward, so why would I want to experience the awkwardness again. I feel like I am pretty well known because of the size of the town and the fact that I really can't go anywhere with out someone knowing who I am. That point aside, I am realizing I have a small issue with the unknown. When I say unknown I am not talking Heaven or Hell but rather where are these guys coming from, why are you so nice, but haven't asked me out yet, or what are your expectations for me in this situation?? It is so confusing and awkward. I never thought at my age I would go back to the confusion, awkward, unknown situations.

It are those feelings that are haunting my second and third question, and are really becoming my 2010 focus, some day it will be New Year..New Me.

Impatient

I know my mother worked very hard teaching my patience. I am pretty good at teaching other people patience, however I am not very good at being patient myself.

I am in the process of buying a house, so this time of transition and uncertainty is driving my nuts, to the point where motivation is wavering and everything is depending on another thing. For example, I don't want to start packing everything up, because than I live among the boxes, and won't be able to find things, yet I want to get the packing done, because there are family things I need to help with. I need to work the second job, but I never have enough time to finish things I start. I need to work on school stuff, but by the time rehearsal is over my mind is gone and I lack motivation. This internal conflict is driving me batty.

I know, I know about prioritizing and doing things that need immediate attention, but it seems like everything in my world needs immediate attention, or something randomly pops up and my causal ADD kicks in. I am loving my life I just want parts of my life to move a little faster than others. Thus I am impatient...

Trying to find/create my happy continued....

So a month has passed since I last posted and things are on the up and up some could say.

1. My smile is back and I remember what it is like to Belly Laugh {you know laugh so hard your stomach aches}

2. I completed one production, Seven Brides and Seven Brothers and am a week from another.

My brother's football team is heading to the state championship. (not so much my happy bit happy for....seeing him beaming after the game totally works)

3. One of my lovely neighbors, complained about my dog, so I have to leave my apartment...That happened on my 27th birthday...not so happy. BUT it did give me the kick in the pants I needed to start the buying of a house process.....SCARY.

4. I have had the privilege to meet in person my very first Nephew. He is the cutest ever and I miss them everyday.

5. I have developed 2 crushes....neither of which I am going to approach, I will just pine for them in my head and create lovely little stories and scenarios to dream about at night. One may ask why not approach them.....the confidence is not where it needs to be, remember still working on my self first.

6.I am excited about the holidays and am trying to find presents for everyone that keep it economical and personal...Thinking about a book Christmas...logical being that I am an English Teacher.

7. I have remembered what it is like to dance around the kitchen and sing at the top of my lungs to the GLEE Soundtrack, so much fun I am glad the only person who ever sees me it my dog Bradshaw.

8. Bradshaw is almost totally potty trained and so much fun. He still cuddles with me.

9. My best friend has really inspired me to work on creating my happy, instead of trying to find it.

10. Shelfari is awesome.....

11. Twilight's New Moon comes out soon! Way pumped!

It is amazing what a month can do to a person, there has been some negative but more than anything it has been a processing situation and the Big girl pants have been put on....only to be taken off to sing and dance with GLEE!

{PS Thanks Keep It Classy Jen...i needed to do this}

Trying to find my happy.....

Okay just laying this out there for my 16 followers, (Thank you by the way).

I am trying to find my happy! I decided my 3 year relationship should not continue and I broke it off. I felt that the emotions that are needed to move forward were not there for me, so I should no longer continue. In an attempt to be nice about the decision and hope for the best, I realized it is almost better to be mean and awful. Hell, I think it could be even better if I freaking cheated on him. So at this moment he is stealing my happy... I kinda think it is bull shit, because he has already taken parts of my happy for three years why should he continue? I am very angry and hurt and am totally hating text messages!

So any suggestions for trying to find my revised happy?

What's your Red Rubber Ball?

Okay so I finished my last class needed for my Master's Degree, it was great! It was taught by a great teacher from Omaha. The class was building communities in your classroom and it was a continuation from a class I had previously taken. Both classes were emotionally and sometimes physically draining ( we played so many different versions of tag it was ridiculous). But our textbook was probably the best part! It was called, "What's your Red Rubber Ball" and it's by Kevin Carroll and I highly recommend it! We had the opportunity to speak to Kevin via a conference call and even on the phone he is inspiring. It is a look at your life through the eyes of sports and goal setting! (I have to admit the whole time I was thinking of 2 people, my brother-in-law, and my little brother) This workbook, of sorts, guides you into deciding your life goal or your "red rubber ball".

Now your probably thinking, why do I need to know this...I hate sports, it is so much more than that! Seriously....check out the above website and you will be floored!

One of the parts in the workbook was the "Magic Box" and I had to present this magic box to my class. I am not anyone who ever has issue talking to people or making presentations, but this was DIFFICULT. In the process of making this box, I realized how selfish it was. And in the presentations I became quite embarrassed and almost angry at myself for being so emotional...I hate crying, and I really hate crying in front of colleagues. Anyway, so this magic box was magical....it opened me up and made me question things that I always put in the back of my mind. Who would have thought that could happen? Like I said this is a selfish box, but after presenting it, though the embarrassment and tears I realized that its okay! Its okay to be selfish, its okay to have no idea what or who your future will be with and look like, its okay to want those things in life that everybody has etc. But at the same time I was still mad, I was mad that I had to find that out, I was mad that I was so selfish, I was mad that my "encourager" was not very encouraging. ( That will make sense when you read it) No matter what this magic box exercise was just that magical and needless to say, that I have started chasing my red rubber ball...which is in one word, Happiness!