Chaotic...and not the Britney kind.

So this has been a very crazy 2 weeks, here is why...

1. House things: Majority of the main floor of my house is finished and painted, just working on the decorating. My new heater was installed. Trying to decided if I am going to move up the kitchen update. My microwave went out and I now have to actually cook things, not just reheat it.

2. School things: I have three rehearsals left until my third show this school year. My job is constantly expanding to include running our theater beyond just our school activities. Followed by state assessments, organizing activities for my drama kids to participate in, planning the final show, and the basic everyday teacher activities.

3. Personal things: I have allowed myself to be in a relationship, like a real adult relationship. I have also watched my friends get out of her not so adult relationship, or question their current relationships and I have the feeling that I am not being a good friend and /or girlfriend at the moment. My dog thinks that since he is alone all day, he should be awake all night. So to top it all off, I am becoming addicted to coffee and Red Bull.

I know in the big picture, these are minor things and know this, I am not complaining but really venting/processing the chaos that is becoming my life. I am really hopping I am not "shafting" my friends, family or the new relationship, but the "work/life balance idea" is something I am not sure I am very good at. I think part of this is my need to be social, and the fact that I have, in the past, put my things on hold for people and later resented them for that. Plus, I (thinking Aerosmith) don't want to miss a thing. I am willing to take responsibility in the fact that I brought the chaos on myself, but now I am need of some organizational skills to calm the chaos yet still please those who are important to me, and still maintain my sanity and happiness. Perplexing....

Dating Netflix...

I think I am breaking up with Netflix...

Allow me some explanation, since October I have been dating my TV. After I moved into my house I made the relationship more serious by committing to Netflix. I loved the movies that would arrive and couldn't wait to watch them. I found enjoyment watching Paper Heart, (500) Days of Summer, All About Steve, etc. but lately my relationship with Netflix has dwindled. Due to the fact that my relationship with a real person has developed. Although I know my TV and my DVD player are missing our evenings together, the sweet flower and card I received from the real person is something they can't give me. This person is more romantic than any movie I have watched lately, he has surprised me with the all of the commonality, intellectual conversations, and the kind, meaningful words. I do declare...I am smitten with this person, and I like it. So I am sorry Netflix, you will be put on hold for a while...we may need to put our relationship on the back burner. Someone else has filled you shoes, I hope we can still be friends.

Thinking out of the box

I take great joy in my job. I think teaching/facilitating high school kids is rewarding and life changing. It is with in my job that I have found a truly happy person, this being said, it becomes frustrating when you lack the ability to teach certain life skills such as critical thinking and common sense. I am searching for many different ways to facilitate in the expansion of the brain with regard to critical thinking and making connections.
As I reflect on my educational experience in high school, I was that kid the made the random connections that was different then what others were saying and/or thinking. I remember having to practice thinking "outside of the box" and was actually in a competition for that idea. It is my personal and professional opinion that to think "outside the box" is a lost art form. I remember my science teacher saying "I am not your mother and you are not a baby, I will not spoon feed you the answers." as students, we had to figure it out. Lately, my observations has been that many students can't figure things out on their own. Which makes me question, what have we done to our students? Are they too afraid to say the wrong answer? Are they so fried from the Internet, video games, YouTube, etc that we can't get them to think creatively? I admit that some of my teaching strategies lean to the boring side, I have yawned through them too, but there are some that require you JUST TO THINK, and some students can't/won't/don't know how to do that. For example, I could give a list of directions for students to follow, step by step instructions, and with out a doubt, I will have 5 hands, after I just explained the instructions and they have the step by step list in front of them, "So what are we supposed to do?" It sincerely is becoming a growing concern, because being the type of person I am I reflect on, what words were to confusing? How did they not get that? What did I do wrong? And unfortunately those questions do not seem to have a good answer. I look at some of the other teachers in this school and even the one I teach with, he seems to have no problem getting the students to understand what is expected of them. Granted, I think it could be due to subject matter, and the "fluff" that coincides with literature and writing, and maybe (please don't take offense to this) its also because he is a male, and their minds can simplify things more then a females. (Men are like waffles think in boxes, Women are like Spaghetti, random thoughts all mixed together.) Who knows? But I am not defeated, I will continue my quest for teaching the "out of the box" skills in hopes that maybe those 5 students hands who raise after hearing directions will be reduced to 3.

Blogger-Stalk

I started this blog along with my Creative Writing students in 2009, it has been an entire year of this blog and I am desperate need of making updates to it. However, that is not the point of this, I wanted to let you all know that I now have new followers that are all a part of my second Creative Writing class. As one of the girls said today, "So we can 'Blogger-stalk' you?" I replied with, "I hope you do!" So if you are in the mood to "Blogger-Stalk" and are not a registered sex offender, feel free to follow my followers and be enlightened by the youth of the nation, or at least our town!

The New Year..Same me.

So I am 10 days into the new year and not really feeling the newness. The extra days off due to the weather was nice, but the boredom that filled parts of my days..not so nice. There have been high's and medium's (not ghosts.. well maybe.. my house is kind of old) thus far, but my thoughts have been focused on three things:

1. How am I going to make all of the things in my house work?

2. Will owning a house, being independent and successful hinder and/or limit my options for a date? (I do live in a small town, the market for men is already limited)

3. When will the great ideas I have in my head, become my reality?

I know it seems a bit random, but since I swore that I would not go on a date until 2010 after the breakup, and wanted to give myself proper time to mourn the relationship and become self assured that what I chose to do was the best decision. I have found myself confident, happy and satisfied, so with that I felt like moving on in the dating world would be the next step. I am quickly reminded how much I don't like it. I watch awkwardness all day, I teach high school kids...hello screams awkward, so why would I want to experience the awkwardness again. I feel like I am pretty well known because of the size of the town and the fact that I really can't go anywhere with out someone knowing who I am. That point aside, I am realizing I have a small issue with the unknown. When I say unknown I am not talking Heaven or Hell but rather where are these guys coming from, why are you so nice, but haven't asked me out yet, or what are your expectations for me in this situation?? It is so confusing and awkward. I never thought at my age I would go back to the confusion, awkward, unknown situations.

It are those feelings that are haunting my second and third question, and are really becoming my 2010 focus, some day it will be New Year..New Me.